Humor Posts

Senate Bill Targets TSA Full Body Scanners

The senior U.S. Senator from New York, Charles Schumer, has introduced a bill that would make it illegal for anyone to record or distribute images obtained from TSA full body scanners. While I prefer Ron Paul's bill that would outlaw full body scanners, I realize that passage of such a bill is ...
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Hint: Look at Your Airline Meal Before You Dive In

A woman is suing American Airlines for $15 million, claiming she ingested a lizard buried in her in-flight meal.
In 2003 (yes, 2003--you've gotta to love the speed in which cases move through court in the U.S.), Monserrate Luna dove into her lunch on a flight from New York Kennedy to San ...
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Humor: The Trials and Tricks of Traveling While Fat

No--this is not a post where I pick on "passengers of size." I do have my fair share of XXL seatmate stories, but they are not nearly as funny as this self-deprecating travelogue by NY Times columnist Rob Goldstone. Here's a few ...

Woman Faces Three Months in Jail for Stealing Hotel Iron and Towels

If you ever find yourself in Nigeria, don't even think about stealing any towels from your hotel room. Just like Singapore Airlines taking inventory of the silverware at the end of each flight, apparently the Hilton in Nigeria keeps a close watch on their guest amenities.
A court in ...

Great Deals Available Now from United Airlines! (Humor)

We don't affectionately call United Airlines' website .bomb for nothing. Take a look at these ticket prices recently found on .bomb--talk about the deal of a lifetime!

Here's a steal of a fare on a trip from London Heathrow to Orlando:

Oh, did you say Chicago? It's going to cost you a little more.

 

 All the way to Australia? Hope you can get that second mortgage!

A word of advice: you might want to avoid .bomb right now if you're looking to purchase international premium cabin tickets...unless I missed hyperinflation setting in overnight.

Do You Suffer from Upgrade Phobia?

I've got a bad condition. I call it upgrade phobia. While I don't fear upgrades themselves, I fear missing them and I stress out over them even when I know I'll probably get the upgrade in the end.
While I hate sweating out something as inconsequential as an upgrade, I do. I lose sleep when I ...
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A Cost-Cutting Proposal from a Ryanair Pilot

Just days after Ryanair's Michael O'Leary suggested that co-pilots should be replaced with trained FAs, Ryanair Captain Morgan Fischer proposed this cost-cutting measure for the budget airline:
“I would propose that Ryanair replace the CEO with a probationary cabin crew member currently ...

What NOT to wear when you are flying in first class!

Maybe the guy was just protesting intrusive TSA search protocols or lost a poker bet, but I have to question what motivates someone to wear this on a plane.
Then again, I am they type of traveler who won't change out of my suit if I am going to the airport from my office or an event, even if I ...
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Ex-Gangbanger and Inner-City Cop Flying First Class on Singapore Airlines

I've already blogged about the folly of assuming someone doesn't belong in first class, but this story takes the cake.
I love trip reports that read like a suspense novel and Flyertaker macabus has proven himself a fine raconteur. Click here to read about his recent experience on a ...
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A Note to the Disgrunted Passenger at UA Baggage Claim Last Night at LAX

Dear Disgruntled Passenger,
Hi. I was the young man being assisted at the United baggage claim counter last night at LAX when you stormed in and demanded to cut to the front of the line.
It was apparent that you were a senior citizen, but judging by the speed at which you were moving and ...

An Artist's Take on a Red Eye Flight

Christoph Neimann, a blogger/artist for the NY Times, recently sketched out a visual diary of his red eye flight from New York to Berlin (via London).

I love all varieties of trip reports, but I've never seen one like this. Each sketch is humorous yet profound. The story he tells will no doubt make anyone who has had the (mis)fortune of flying a red eye in economy class smile.

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Accused of Being a Terrorist: SAL to IAD on TACA

 This is the last of a six-part recount of my recent trip to Central America.
Washington Dulles to San Salvador on TACA My Adventure in San Salvador Aborted Landing on TACA: SAL-PTY 24 Hours in Panama City Short-Haul Flying on LACSA: PTY-SJO-SAL Accused ...
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TSA Antics at Washington Dulles

I returned home from Buenos Aires today and had to endure a torturous 45-minute wait in the immigration line today at Dulles. After my poor experiences in Montreal, I vowed to apply for Global Entry: only $100 for five years. But as I mentioned last week, my trip to South America was a last-minute ...
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United Orders Musician to Purchase First Class Ticket...For His Cello

What is it with United and musical instruments? First it was broken guitars. Now comes a story from the NY Post about a cello "forced" to fly in first class.
I love the way the Post sensationalizes things, so let's play along for a few moments:
Musician Greg Beaver was tossed ...

I let a SWU expire!

I've always kept a close watch on my upgrade balance in the past, but since United's unlimited domestic upgrade (UDU) program started earlier this year, I have not had the need to use any of my banked upgrade instruments.
I was thinking about that this morning and decided to check my balance. ...

Car Takes Flight at DFW

Boeing and Airbus now have a new competitor: Ford Motor Company. 

The woman, who was drunk, claimed she had only one vodka-cranberry the night before. That must have been some vodka...
I hope she's not expecting a 500-mile minimum on that flight.

The Folly of Assuming Someone Doesn't Belong in First Class

It doesn't happen much anymore, but when I first started to seriously fly on United over five years ago, I was often told:
"This line is for First Class passengers."
"It's not your turn to board yet pal."
"Son, we're only boarding elites right ...
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My Brother's Observation from United First

My younger brother is not a frequent flyer, but I spoil him when he does fly and he usually ends up in First Class. We exchanged the following text messages today before his United flight:
HIM: Douchebag in 1A upon being offered water or oj: “I want a cup of decaf” FA ...
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